i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
