Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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