I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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