if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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