Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Enjoy the penises
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
