I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
