I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have already put on my inside pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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