it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
