sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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