I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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