Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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