believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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