In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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