I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
