Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
