so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
