I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
