Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
