I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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