i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
