I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
