So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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