So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
