The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
