Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
