First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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