kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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