problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
