Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
