How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Boobs are out for the taking
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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