First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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