what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
