So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
