she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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