all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
