Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
