I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
