It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
