none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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