Cold hands, warm shart.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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