The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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