I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
