we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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