ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
