I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
