i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
