you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
