Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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