She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
