Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
