i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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