1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
